I haven’t seen Loneliness in a while.
I used to spend hours on end by myself in a large house.
Days went by like seconds
Weeks seemed like minutes
The months I remember as long hours
but recently, I was free from the loneliness,
and it felt good.
I wanted to be rid of the poison I felt inside of me, eating at my core,
emptiness living inside, me but a mere host,
a victim to its dark days and trembling nights.
All things must end, to begin again.
So when I was put back into my stable environment,
where I was sad and lost and alone,
how can I not feel empty?
how can I not be lonely?
Emptiness entered first, a knot in my stomach and a tightening at my throat –
these are the welcoming signs of my old friend, Emptiness.
Yes, friend, for at one point I was very fond of Emptiness.
Loneliness soon followed, with my body going limp and tears gliding down my cheeks.
With Loneliness, Emptiness almost always joins. But Emptiness often visits without Loneliness.
They don’t ever ask my permission to enter,
for I’ve welcomed them inside far too much for them to feel like strangers now.
It feels alien, it feels real
like I am made of jell-o and sticks.
I feel the emptiness
although it is a void,
nothingness of space,
yet I am in contact with the emptiness.
I feel it.
Like it ignores my outside, it opens the door and welcomes itself in
like it belongs in me.
like it knows me.
like it is me.
I close my eyes.
I feel it.
I feel empty.
I am empty-
I am lonely