Welcome and Goodbye

I haven’t seen Loneliness in a while.

I used to spend hours on end by myself in a large house.

Days went by like seconds

Weeks seemed like minutes

The months I remember as long hours

but recently, I was free from the loneliness,

and it felt good.

I wanted to be rid of the poison I felt inside of me, eating at my core,

emptiness living inside, me but a mere host,

a victim to its dark days and trembling nights.

 

All things must end, to begin again.

So when I was put back into my stable environment,

where I was sad and lost and alone,

how can I not feel empty?

how can I not be lonely?

Emptiness entered first, a knot in my stomach and a tightening at my throat –

these are the welcoming signs of my old friend, Emptiness.

Yes, friend, for at one point I was very fond of Emptiness.

Loneliness soon followed, with my body going limp and tears gliding down my cheeks.

With Loneliness, Emptiness almost always joins. But Emptiness often visits without Loneliness.

They don’t ever ask my permission to enter,

for I’ve welcomed them inside far too much for them to feel like strangers now.

 

It feels alien, it feels real

like I am made of jell-o and sticks.

I feel the emptiness

although it is a void,

nothingness of space,

hallow abyss,

yet I am in contact with the emptiness.

I feel it.

Like it ignores my outside, it opens the door and welcomes itself in

like it belongs in me.

like it knows me.

like it is me.

I close my eyes.

I feel it.

I feel empty.

I am empty-

I am lonely

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s